Month: March 2007

the morning after

four hours of sleep and i’m still good to go.

 

after a bit of a temperamental mess up, lori, len, myself and the admixture of various guests and acquaintances managed to have a clean good fun. after all, it was lori’s 22nd birthday.

after the “escape from the bathroom” incident, which happened so fast no one seemed to notice, lori, len, and i headed off on the motorcycle under the searing heat of the summer sun to neva’s for their kuripot pizza.

neva’s is a pizza/pasta/etcetera house nestled in a quiet subdivision street corner in sillimaniana territory. students of my college alma mater are its most numerous customers owing to the establishment’s close proximity to the university. word of mouth has helped spread the reputation of the fare offered by neva’s.

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lori and i have been there once before when i took a friend for a birthday treat. although we had to wait for an hour for our order to arrive [there was a mix up] we actually liked the pizza – especially the “kuripot” ones.

 

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these kuripot, filipino for miserly, pizza are so called because of the affordable price range [less than a hundred pesos for a thin crust] and the

substitution of mozzarella for cheddar cheese (an aside: filipinos usually prefer the cheddar to mozzarella. they usually find the former more flavorful and savory than the former, finding mozzarella to be “rubbery”

and “bland”, Sample respondent; personal communication). they have flavored toppings such as hawaiian, hungarian, chicken primavera, and pepperoni. my favorite so far is chicken primavera [chicken curry topping].

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luck was with us as the place was not yet full when we got there. lori ordered takeout. while waiting for the pizza, we posed for pics. [will post them later]. the cam ran out of batteries just as the pizza arrived.

 

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then it was off to the races.

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or rather, to lori’s place in valencia. we had to stop for a while in the valencia marketplace for ice cream.

 

so there, lori’s birthday party was set.

turned out, instead of just the ice cream and pizza, there was also a great spread cooked by lori’s pa in anticipation of many, many guests. len and i ate till our eyes bugged out and we could barely breathe. and that was just the meal cooked by lori’s pa. we tackled the pizza and ice cream afterwards when our air passages cleared a bit.

at lori’s bidding, i called tata to come over. he came with faith and norie and a couple of other guys. then lori’s neighbors and relatives came. the guys got busy around the billiard table and faith was our uncomplaining audience when lori brought out the videoke and we bawled our lungs and guts out.

it was fun like i’ve never experienced in months! and i’m happy because i was with len and lor. it was nearly eleven o’clock when we decided to stop torturing the neighbors with our howls and wails. at the billiard tables, the players were whittled down to two – tata and lori’s pa.

we decided to go outside. it was a warm night and the moon was out. the three of us talked about stuff under the shadow of the coconut trees. i know that we could have gone on talking until the early hours of dawn but we had to be in the office before six am the next morning so we had to go. faith was already sleepy, too.

there was so much left unsaid but i know i love them both. i’m happy to have these two women as my friends.

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Beautiful?

Ever since I saw the Dove commercial for its campaign for real beauty, I’ve been more conscious of the ways women tend to go to all heights to comform to the media’s standard of what is beautiful. the video below shows how our perception of “beautiful” is grounded on the unreal, the retouched.

i really appreciate Dove’s touching gesture to let women and young girls see that they are beautiful… even without the makeup.

meine liebe

he wished for me all the happiness and fulfillment of the things i wanted to be, even if it meant that we have to be apart.

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he’s setting me free. and i’ve realized that never once did he ever hold me back. he’s always there, in his quiet way. encouraging. supporting. comforting.

 

there’s a part of me that wants to dig my toes in the dirt, fingers clawing the earth, resisting, screaming, “I just want to be with you and everything will be fine.”

 

there’s a part of me that would just be content enough to be what i am today, never mind the dreams i’ve forged for myself all my life. a compromise to just be with him.

 

but he knew and i knew that it would be fatal if we both settle for the temporary good. to dwell in all those unlived longings that are sung by our souls, permeating our daily existence, would taint our togetherness, heard as sorrowful sighs in the dark of the night.

 

we are both old souls who have already known the bittersweetness of life. and we both understand that this is not about some petty ego trip on both our parts. we both need to grow.

 

but still, this is one of those precious moments i hold dear. to be with him. to be held close and feel the strong thumping of his heart.

 

it is like being in a foreign country and seeing the familiar face of a friend in a sea of strangers. i know i’ll be on my way once more. but this is one of my most memorable stops. when i’ll come by again i know i will be welcomed with open arms and be enfolded in a loving embrace.

i will come back.

Elfin encounters

There’s an elf in the office.

Although invisible, it makes its presence felt by the tracks of candies and chocolates it leaves in its wake.

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I have not attempted to uncover the identity of the elf, as it might bring bad luck. After all, elves tend to be happy in its stopovers when there’s no evidence that they have been discovered. As a token of appreciation for the joy it imparts during its visits, I just happily eat the sweets it leaves behind on my workstation.

 Thank you, elf. Whoever you are. 🙂

Hail to the Lady!

To Lurchie,

Thank you for inspiring me to blog. Thank you also for answering all my addled questions about how to go about this, techie stuff and in between.

Though I can’t say “stay the same”, I wish that you’s stay writing so I could ‘snoop’ into what’s going on with your life. 🙂

Thank you again.

Deja senti

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But where will I be without them?

So many places, so many names and smiles; hellos and goodbyes. Still, friends are the reason why a stay is worthwhile.

So, thank you… to all of those people who allowed me to be part of their lives, in one way or another.

Unpacking

~Haaah.

‘Though it’s actually a sublime feeling seeking refuge in an internet cafe after work and just let thoughts slip away through fingers typing madly on a rented keyboard, today’s ‘net connection’s way too slow and it doesn’t help at all that some of the elements and functions of wordpress are blocked by the cafe.

It does feel that I have just moved house. After all, I’m freeing myself from the clutter that was my former blogging home and am still busy with the unpacking. I still have to familiarize myself with the nooks and crannies wordpress has to offer. but there’s small comfort in knowing that I have all my posts intact with me here.

Another plus despite the near-death connection is Lori’s company [a.k.a Wimpykitty]. though our computer terminals are side by side, we’re chatting away at chikka… she’s updating her blog, too.

I still have to rummage around for the pictures and stuff and wallhangings. But perhaps in a few more days, I’d have this space all spruced up.

Stay tuned just the same.

Random list

best reads:

To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
Shibumi (Trevanian)
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Mark Twain)
The Summer of Katya (Trevanian)
The Road to Gandolfo (Robert Ludlum)
The Road to Omaha (Robert Ludlum)
Losing Joe’s Place (Gordon Korman)
The Great Spaghetti Showdown (Joel Schwartz)
Ancient Evenings (Norman Mailer)
The Way of Gentleness (Elizabeth Vickers)
Maggie (Lena Kennedy)
The Horse and His Boy (C.S. Lewis)
The White Indian (Donald Clayton Porter)
The Renegade (Donald Clayton Porter)

keywords:

Kopi Luwak; Geranium oil; Incense; Pentacle; Tate; Faith; Mythos; Whoosh; Papemelroti; Huling El Bimbo; Sembreak; Soapsuds; Ancient ruins;

best views:

With Honors (1994)
Merlin (1998)
CSI (Las Vegas)
Daria
Gone in 60 Seconds (remake, 2000)
Hackers (1995)

easy list’ning:

Wolfgang
Eraserheads
Celtic Airs
Alisha’s Attic
Sepultura

assets and liabilities:

Sway, the temperamental motorcycle
Nikon Coolpix L3
Comet the typewriter
Ancient IBM Thinkpad
Canon portable printer

weekend getaway:

Tagaytay
Matabungkay, Batangas
Valencia/Sibulan, Negros Oriental border (trailbike with Tate)
Cologne Cathedral, Germany

brown study:

The Science of Loss and Loneliness
Packing and Unpacking
Tepid Hellos and Searing Goodbyes
Searing Hellos and Icy Goodbyes
Life After Loss
Rituals
Ancient Greek Civilization
Ancient Egyptian Civilization
Geomorphology
Astrology

best painful lyrics

A Matter of Time Wolfgang

It’s all just a matter of time
between the days and the nights
from a
child being born
to the taking of a life
you’ll see it will be
it’s
all just a matter of time
till what’s new becomes old
until what’s good
becomes bad
from what’s bought is sold
so just close your eyes
and
wait for a while
tomorrow is still one whole day
so don’t despair
soon what’s in your hair
will forever be brushed away
cause it’s all
just a matter of time
till what you’ve done get’s erased
till love lost
returns
till what you broke is replaced
you’ll see it will be

CEDs got the bug

EXTRA!EXTRA!

Extremely lethal bug epidemic strikes!

It’s contagious… As of writing, the bug has claimed 3 new victims in this joint and they have been displaying the usual initial symptoms:

  • itching fingers
  • selective hearing
  • obsession with a computer keyboard
  • severe uncontrolled trembling when they are placed 50 meters away from their keyboards
  • staring into space
  • produces a manifestation of the disease in the form of a blog

The bug, Bloggeritus copieditii, is a seasonal neuronal microorganism which lives off human hosts who have an affinity for words and literature. This bug is usually present even in utero but usually remains dormant within the host’s central nervous system.

Environmental triggers such as extreme boredom, sudden inspiration, the uncontrollable urge to put feelings and thoughts into writing usually creates the ideal environment for the bug to become active, feeding off the literary juices which flow from the victim’s grey matter.

So far, when the symptoms progress,  a blow to the head to induce temporary amnesia is the only known antidote. But previous victims have found it more convenient to let the microorganism feed off their hosts in certain occasions.

This joint was given a list of the latest victims of B. copieditii (in alphabetical order):

  1. Dean
  2. Lorilyn
  3. Orven

We here in this joint offer our deepest sympathy for these victims.

Small moves

Almost three weeks into this decision to be in the morning shift and yet my body is still adjusting to the change in my sleep pattern.

Most times, I wake up at 4am [pretty much middle of the night] and become totally disoriented. But I’m getting the hang of it.

~sigh~ I should stop babbling about my work shift… it appears that this is a recurring topic in my posts. and anyway, i should stop talking so much about my work environment… there’s so much to life than dissecting the day-to-day happenings while one is still stuck in a dreary occupation.

somehow, i need a change of scene.

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been trying to post occasionally in my wordpress blog.

Nascent thoughtforms

This isn’t about ending my life or anything… but ever since Tara showed me a page where people listed what they wanted to do before they died, a morbid sense of excitement has welled up in me.

Anemone (that annoying entity with a tinny voice residing in my head) has instantly grabbed a stub of pencil and sheafs of paper and has written a mile-long list of what she wanted to be or do before I (we) die… She’s kept shoving it into my conscious thought and won’t let up with her annoying chant of “Destiny, destiny, destineeeeeee!!!!” until i write at least twenty of those stuff I might consider doing before my expiration date comes up… we never know for sure, as it is.

So, dear reader, here are some stuff I (with Anemone’s prodding) would want accomplished before I do an exeunt…

  1. Write and direct a full-act puppet show for kids and those kids-at-heart
  2. Finish writing Kayo’s story and have it published
  3. Spend a day being a listener and avoid interjecting conversations with a “Me, too!” monologue
  4. Re-read all books in my personal library [>300] and write impressions that are at least three paragraphs long for each book read
  5. Have a day off in a spa with my mother
  6. Spend a whole week with Tata touring the entire province riding a motorcycle and sleeping out in the open
  7. See Umberto Eco in person [if he’s still living at that time]
  8. Spend half a year each in Germany and France, taking photographs of castles and cathedrals
  9. Put up a magazine [i dunno yet what the contents should be]
  10. Hold a tarantula up close for at least a minute’s duration [cold shivers ran up my spine just thinking about this, brrrrrrrrrr;ewwwwwwwww]
  11. Take up an exercise regimen i could do at least three times a week [i’d probably have longer days on earth]
  12. Laugh more often
  13. Look 12 years younger than my age without any cosmetic or surgical “assistance”
  14. Get a PhD in Anthropology and have a professorship in a respectable university
  15. Guide Faith in her growing up years, while at the same time learning valuable lessons about life from her
  16. Watch a sunset together with Tata
  17. Try to grow a garden
  18. Ride horses again
  19. Never make the same mistake of sacrificing principles for financial gain
  20. Be at peace with myself
  21. Co-author a family semi-autobiography with my mother

There’s still so much stuff Anemone is cranking out about but this will suffice for now.

Tuesday swills

There…

I’m being haunted again.

But this time i think the haunting manifests because of guilt. I haven’t visited my brother’s grave for more than a couple of months now. It seems that he’s trying to remind me to pull off some weeds from the manicured Bermuda grass of his gravesite lest it’ll get overgrown with brambles and bushes. And to light some candles and incense and bring in a basket of flowers to brighten things up. ~might do that on Sunday.

‘Tis a difficult time for me, too.

I’ve been putting off my decision to leave my current job and head for the big city and do a proverbial “following my dreams” one-woman tango. But there is a part of me that says it’s all too soon. Somehow, I shall just wait this one out a bit more; say, a couple of months until the weather gets fairer. Then I might be off.

Oh, wish me luck.

Footnote: Lurchie’s back and so I have something to rejoice about.

Morning shiftiness

I arrived earlier for today’s shift than I did yesterday.

So tallying what’s gonna be docked from my pay for two days’ worth of tardiness:

Tuesday — 46 minutes
+
Wednesday — 14 minutes

= 1 hour

I really meant to come early.

But my eyelids refused to cooperate. They remained resolutely closed until there was little light outside. Then they grugingly opened. It was only then that I could stumble my way to the bathroom.

It’s understandable for myself since I had been used to waking up around ten or eleven in the morning — as I had been on the night shift for several months already and my body is still adjusting to the change of shift. But payroll would not understand. And I won’t elaborate on the reasons why as payroll does only what it is meant to do.

~Sigh~

Yet I digress. I decided to be in the morning shift. But only temporarily.

My brain is still in sleep mode.

*Yawn.

Panhandle grouse

I told my mother through SMS about my present financial situation. She could only reply with texting’s equivalent to a weak chuckle. We are in the same boat; her having started a new job and unexpected expenses that came with moving her stuff to the new place where she’s now staying (at least her board and lodging are taken care of by her new employer) and me being in charge of the “tribe’s” household expenses as well as the out-of-budget taxes and penalties I had to pay for the property and utility services ^fighting for breath^.

Who’d have expected that March is still tax month? I thought the internal revenue would get tired of yammering for people to pay their dues to the government by the end of January and wouldn’t be collecting again until next year.

Yet, I can’t help feeling like a good citizen when I paid all those horrendous amounts and handed in return, sheafs of paper each half a meter long that served as the government receipt. What a waste of paper. May I suggest smaller slips of papier for receipts, as most people just crumple them afterwards and throw them into expectant waste bins. I can’t help wonder how many trees were sacrificed for those “ORs”.

So I’m broke. Everybody I know is broke… Especially since [me and my co-workers] had wrongly assumed that we’d be getting tax refund and had spent our salary on essentials without attempting to stretch the budget.

My mother’s sweet and sent me this SMS:

Thank u God 4 our jobs whch provide 4 us insufficient funds 4 our needs & sufficient faith that you’ll provide the rest.


I had to smile because this is my reality. No matter how I grouse that what I earn’s never gonna be enough, our tribe could still get by… sometimes with a bit for extra.