Ahoy! T’ Cap’n speaks:
Whack that nail thar so it sets flush to the floorboards. Splash that paint thar that the parts eaten away by barnacles be hid.
Backstitch! Backstitch, mates! Ye can’t sew canvas with those fancy bullion stitches! What’s the matter with ye? Didn’t yer Aunt Gertrude teach ye how to patch yer own bloomers, ye brickheaded scullery maid?! Ye be a disgrace to yer seafarin’ ancestors!
Now, all yer hairy ears to me. Listen well. ‘Tis the maiden voyage for this here ship we call t’ MV Oompaloompah Go Baby, Yeah! She be ready in a couple of fortnights.
Fill the barrels and kiss t’ maids goodbye and soap t’ deck, you landlubber sod!